Here’s a completely overlooked communication skill that has a big impact on how you establish trust with people who report to you: making it safe to disagree with the things you share.

Why is this important?

As a Leader, you have power of the people who report to you, if you want or not. It’s not enough to assume they will just tell you the things you need to know, especially if they have a different opinion than you. It’s our job to actively create a safe space for them to share.

Here’s how to do it…with a few examples.

Example 1:

Instead of:
“I think that the metrics dashboard lacks necessary detail. How can you fix that?”

Try this:
“I think that the metrics dashboard lacks necessary detail. I wonder how much you agree with that? And what’s your view in terms of the level of detail?”

Example 2:

Instead of:
“I have seen people in your team not asking questions in our project meeting lately. Can you please talk to them about it?”

Try this:
“I have seen people in your team not asking questions in our project meeting lately. How do you see their participation recently? What did you notice?”

Example 3:

Instead of:
“I think the deal is a good idea and we should go for it. So let’s put it into place. How shall we get started?”

“I think the deal is a good idea and we should go for it. This my personal opinion though and I am happen to be proven wrong. What do YOU think speaks for or against it?”

Side note

In all these examples, the Leader shares their idea first and then asks for an opinion. If there is high power distance (and low trust!), this alone can be enough for people to clam up. In this case, it’s even more important to stay neutral and ask for opinions first.

Summary

Intentionally asking to be disagreed with is an important coaching micro-skill. It requires a good degree of maturity and confident vulnerability. You convey that there is low risk that you will explode in their face and retaliate.

It’s another great example of one of my most favorite mindsets:

“I have strong opinions, loosely held”

It’s a seemingly small thing to do differently. And it goes a LONG way in neutralising some of the bad side effects of having power of others.

Have fun with it!

Maik

p.s. this is one of many micro-skills you learn when you become a Leader who is fluent in professional-level coaching skills. Learn more HERE about the next cohort of the Leader Academy, starting in February 2023!